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  1. #1
    عـطــــاء لا يــُـنـــســـــى الصورة الرمزية ~*تسنيم*~
    تاريخ التسجيل
    Dec 2010
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    New 7 ) Taking one’s psychological|sheikh Mohamed Al-Arefe

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    23)
    Taking one’s psychological
    condition into consideration

    People’s moods and circumstances fluctuate between sadness
    and happiness, health and illness, affluence and poverty, and
    stability and instability. Subsequently, their reaction to the way
    they are dealt with also changes depending on their psychological
    state at the time. A person may appreciate a joke when he
    is stable and relaxed, but not when he is upset. It would thus be
    very inappropriate to make a joke when visiting someone who
    was bereaved. But the same joke would be acceptable if said
    whilst out on a picnic. This is something all people understand
    and needs no further explanation. However, what does need to
    be clarified further is that one must take into consideration a
    person’s psychological state, emotions and personality when
    speaking to or dealing with him.
    Imagine a woman who has just been divorced by her husband
    and whose mother and father have passed away. She collects her
    belongings and prepares to move in with her brother and his
    wife. In the middle of her preparation, her neighbour comes to
    visit her. As the neighbour thinks of something to discuss, the divorced
    woman says, “I saw you yesterday outside your house.”
    The neighbour says, “Yes, my husband insisted on taking me
    out for dinner, so I went. Afterwards, we went to a shop where

    he bought me a skirt to wear at my sister’s wedding. We then
    went to the jewellers where he bought me a necklace to wear
    along with the skirt at the wedding. When we returned home, he
    noticed that the kids were bored, so he promised to take them
    out on the weekend.”
    As the poor divorced woman listens to all this, she reflects
    upon what her predicament will be when she leaves for her
    brother’s house. The question is, is it appropriate to discuss
    something of this nature when the woman has just come out
    of a failed marriage? Would this woman’s love for her neighbour
    increase due to this? Would she ever wish to sit with her ever
    again? I think we can all agree that the answer is a resounding
    ‘No!’
    Rather, her heart would be filled with jealousy and envy.What
    then is the solution? Should her neighbour have lied to her? Of
    course not, but she could have spoken tactfully and in brief. She
    could have said, “We had some things to do, so we went out”,
    and then she should have changed the topic and tried to ease the
    pain of her neighbour.
    Suppose two friends sit their secondary school examinations
    and one of them passes with flying colours whilst the other
    one fails in some subjects and therefore does not achieve the
    grades required for university. Would it be appropriate for the
    one who has passed to visit his friend and discuss the university
    that has accepted him and the various opportunities that have
    opened up? No doubt we would all say no. What then should he
    do? He should mention general matters that might lighten his
    worry. He could complain about the large number of applicants

    to universities, how many people are not accepted, and all the
    other things that might make his friend feel better. Thereafter, his
    friend would probably not mind sitting with him and remaining
    his companion.
    The same can be said about two young men who meet each
    other, one of whom has a generous father who is always showering
    him with wealth, while the other has a miserly father who
    hardly meets his needs. It would not be appropriate for the son
    of the generous father to speak about the generosity of his father
    and how he loves to spend on him, because this would distress
    his friend and cause him to remember his bad fortune with
    his father. Subsequently, he would not like to be in his company
    as he would feel that he is insensitive.
    For this reason, the Prophet  emphasised that people’s psychological
    conditions and sensitivities be considered. He said,
    “Do not stare at a leper.” (Ibn Majah, Sahih) A leper is not attractive
    to look at and hence, it is inappropriate that if he passes by
    a group of people that they should stare at him, for this would
    remind him of his affliction and hurt him further.
    One occasion which beautifully demonstrates the Prophet’s
    consideration for people’s sensitivities is the way he dealt with
    Abu Bakr’s father when heading to the conquest of Makkah with
    the Muslim army. Abu Bakr’s father, Abu Quhafah, was a blind
    old man. He said to his granddaughter, “Dear daughter, take me
    to Mount Abu Qays so I can see for myself the truth of what
    they are saying, and whether Muhammad really is approaching
    or not.”
    She took him to the mountain and then he said, “Tell me,
    what you see.”
    She said, “I see blackness approaching us.”
    He said, “Those are the horses.”
    She said, “I see a man going back and forth in front of that
    blackness.”
    He said, “He is the man responsible for leading the horses.”
    She said, “The blackness has now spread.”
    He said, “By Allah, this means that the horses have nearly
    approached Makkah. Take me to my house quickly for they have
    said that whoever shuts himself in his house is safe!”
    The girl brought him down the mountain, but they were intercepted
    by Muslim horsemen before they could reach home.
    Abu Bakr went to his father and greeted him. Then he took him
    by his hand to the Messenger of Allah  in the mosque. When
    the Prophet  saw him, he found him to be an old man whose
    body had weakened and bones had softened and who was close
    to death. Abu Bakr looked at his father, who he now saw after a
    long period of separation, for he had been apart from his father
    in the service of his religion.
    The Prophet  said to Abu Bakr out of kindness, “Why didn’t
    you leave your old father at home so I could come to see him
    instead?”
    Abu Bakr knew that they were in the middle of a war where
    the Messenger of Allah  was their leader. He also knew that
    the Prophet  had very little time and too much to accomplish
    to visit the old man’s house and ask him to accept Islam. Hence,
    Abu Bakr thanked the Prophet  and said, “O Messenger of Al-

    lah, it is more appropriate that he comes to you than for you to
    go to him.”
    The Prophet  sat Abu Quhafah down in front of him very
    kindly, placed his hand on his chest and said, “Accept Islam.”
    Abu Quhafah’s face illuminated, and he said, “I testify that
    there is no one worthy of worship but Allah and that Muhammad
    is His servant and messenger”, and Abu Bakr rejoiced as he had
    never done before. The Prophet  gazed at the old man’s face
    and noticed that his hair had turned grey, so he said, “Dye his
    hair, but do not use black.”
    Yes, he would take psychology into consideration when dealing
    with others. In fact, when he entered Makkah, he had divided
    the army into battalions and had given the banner of one of the
    battalions to the heroic Companion Sa’d bin ‘Ubadah – may Allah
    be pleased with him. It was considered very noble to carry the
    banner, not just for the carrier but also for his people. As Sa’d
    was looking at Makkah and its residents, he reflected upon how
    they had fought against the Messenger of Allah , put him under
    unbearable strain, turned people away from him, murdered
    Sumayyah and Yasir, and tortured Bilal and Khabbab. He thought
    that they surely deserved to be taught a lesson! Sa’d waved his
    banner and said, “Today is the day of slaughter! Today your inviolabilities
    will be attacked!”
    This was unbearable for Quraysh. They feared that he might
    exterminate them all. Hence, a woman stepped forward and
    complained to the Prophet  about Sa’d in words of poetry,
    begging him to prevent Sa’d from shedding anyone’s blood.
    When Allah’s Messenger  heard her poetic words, he was

    moved and felt pity. He didn’t want to disappoint her, just as he
    didn’t want to anger Sa’d by taking away the banner from him
    after having honoured him therewith. He therefore ordered Sa’d
    to hand over the banner to his son, Qays bin Sa’d, whom Sa’d
    was riding alongside, as they entered Makkah. Hence, the woman
    from Quraysh was happy when she saw that Sa’d was no longer
    carrying the banner, and likewise, Sa’d was not angered since he
    remained the leader of the battalion, except that he had spared
    himself the burden of carrying the banner and had thus given it
    to his son to carry instead.
    How wonderful it is to kill two birds with one stone!
    Try not to lose anyone. Try to successfully win over everyone
    - even if there is conflict of interest between them.


    Harmony...

    We deal with hearts not bodies
    .


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    ظروف بعض البشر مدفونةٌ في أعماقهم فإن لم تَعرفها ،

    فأكرمهم بـ حُسن الظن بهم




    اسأل الله العظيم رب العرش العظيم أن يشفي أبي ويعافيه
    اللهم اشفه هو وجميع مرضى المسلمين

  2. #2
    الصورة الرمزية فتاة المستقبل
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    Sep 2011
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    افتراضي

    مشكوره على الطرح القيم

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    آخر مشاركة: 01-08-2012, 03:10 AM

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