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  1. #1
    عـطــــاء لا يــُـنـــســـــى الصورة الرمزية ~*تسنيم*~
    تاريخ التسجيل
    Dec 2010
    شكراً و أعجبني للمشاركة

    Llryb6v01e0t Be kind at the first meeting |sheikh Mohamed Al-Arefe



    Be kind at the first meeting

    It was the habit in some rural areas of old Egypt that a groom
    before his wedding night would hide a cat in his room. On the
    wedding night, when alone with his wife, he would move a chair
    slightly to so as to free the cat. He would then demonstrate his
    might to his wife by getting hold of the poor cat and strangling it
    to death! Why? So that the first impression of him imprinted in
    the mind of his wife would be one of awe!
    When I graduated from university and took up a position as
    an instructor at a college, a senior instructor advised me, saying,
    “Be stern with the students during your first lesson and stare at
    them with furious eyes so they will be in awe of you from the
    very beginning.” I remembered this as I was writing this chapter
    and realised that one thing everyone would agree upon is that
    the first meeting imprints 70% of an impression on one’s mind.
    This is referred to as the “first impressions.”
    A group of officers once travelled to the USA to attend a
    training program on interpersonal skills in the work environment.
    On the first day, they arrived early to the classroom and
    began chatting in order to get to know one other. Suddenly, the
    instructor walked in and they fell silent. The instructor’s eyes fell
    upon a student who was still smiling.

    “Why are you laughing?” He screamed.
    The student replied: “I’m sorry, I wasn’t laughing.”
    “You were!” screamed the instructor, and chastised him further,
    saying, “You are not a serious student! You should return
    to your family on the next available flight! I cannot teach your
    The poor student felt embarrassed and gazed at the instructor
    and then at his colleagues in confusion. The instructor then
    frowned at him, pointed to the exit and said, “Get out!”
    The student got up frightened and left the room. The instructor
    looked at the rest of the students and said, “I am Dr. So-andso.
    I will be teaching you such-and-such a subject. But before I
    begin, I would like you to fill in a questionnaire without writing
    your names on them.” He then distributed the questionnaires
    to the students.

    The questionnaire was about the instructor’s
    performance and had five questions:

    1. How do you find your teacher?
    2. How do you find his teaching?
    3. Does your teacher allow opposing views to be aired?
    4. Would you like to be taught by him again?
    5. Would you like to meet him outside the institution?

    Every question had multiple choices; Excellent, good, fair,
    poor. The students filled in the questionnaire and returned it to
    the instructor. The instructor began his lecture on interpersonal
    skills in an office environment, and in the middle of the lecture he
    said, “Oh! Why should we deprive your colleague of this lesson?”
    He went out of the classroom, shook the hand of the ejected
    student with a smile, and brought him back in.
    He then said, “I think I lashed out at you a little while ago
    without any particular reason. I am having some personal problems
    due to which I behave quite erratically at times, so I beg
    your pardon. You are, after all, a committed student, and the
    proof of that is the fact that you left behind your wife and children
    to come all the way here. I would like to thank you, in fact
    all of you, for your commitment. I am very honoured to be your
    He was, thereafter, very light-hearted with his students.
    He then picked up more copies of the questionnaire and
    said, “Since your colleague didn’t get the chance to fill in the
    questionnaire, how about if you all were to fill it in again?” He
    handed out the questionnaire and they filled them all in and returned
    them to the instructor. He then took the previous questionnaires
    and the new ones and began to compare between the
    two, to discover that the ‘poor’ boxes in first set of questionnaires
    were all checked, while the second set of questionnaires
    did not have a single check against ‘poor’, or even ‘fair’.
    The instructor laughed and said, “What you just witnessed
    was a demonstration of the ill effects of the lack of interpersonal
    skills in the work environment. What I did to your colleague
    was an example of this which I wished to demonstrate to you
    all. Note how your views of me changed as I changed the way I
    dealt with you!”
    This is all part of human nature, and hence, one must take
    this into consideration, especially with those he meets for the
    first time.

    The Prophet would also capture people’s hearts the first
    time he met them. After the conquest of Makkah and when Islam
    had become dominant, the Prophet started to receive envoys
    from various tribes. One of the envoys the Prophet received
    was from ‘Abd al-Qays. When they arrived, before they could
    even dismount from their rides, the Prophet said to them,
    Welcome, O people! May you never face disgrace or sorrow,
    so have glad tidings!”

    As they dismounted from their camels, they raced to the
    Prophet to greet him. They said, “O Messenger of Allah, between
    our cities there lies a dwelling of a group of pagans from
    Mudhar, due to which we cannot come to you except in the
    sacred months, since this is when Arabs do not fight, so guide
    us to the best thing we can do, which if we were to do it, would
    cause us to enter paradise, and which we would instruct others
    to do also.
    The Prophet said, “I shall order you to do four things and
    forbid you from four. I order you to have faith in Allah. Do you
    know what it means to have faith in Allah?”

    They replied, “Allah and His Messenger know best.”
    The Prophet said, “It means to testify that there is no one
    worthy of worship except Allah, to establish the prayers, to give
    in charity, and to give a fifth of the war booty in charity.”
    I also forbid you from four; from drinking from ad-Dubba, an-
    Naqir, (pitched water skins), az-Zuruf, al-Muzaffat and al-Hantam
    (names of utensils used for the preparation of alcoholic drinks).’

    On another occasion, the Prophet was travelling with a
    group of his Companions at night. They travelled for a long time
    until the last part of the night fell upon them, and they decided
    to stop over and sleep. They were overcome by deep sleep until
    sunrise. The first one to awaken was Abu Bakr, and then ‘Umar.
    Abu Bakr sat next to the Prophet and began to say “Allahu
    Akbar” aloud until the Prophet also woke up and prayed Fajr
    with his Companions. When he had not finished the prayer, he
    realised that one of the Companions had not joined them.
    The Prophet said, ‘What prevented you from praying with
    He replied, “I had a wet-dream and didn’t find water to bathe
    with.” The Prophet ordered him to perform Tayammum with
    dust. The Companion then prayed and thereafter they continued
    on their journey, and none of them had any water. On the way
    they became extremely thirsty and were unable to find any well
    or water.
    ‘Imran bin Husayn said, “As we were travelling, we found
    a woman on a camel with two leather sacks (filled with water).
    We said to her: ‘Where can we find water?’ She said: ‘There is
    no water here.’ We said: ‘How far away is the water from your
    house?’ She said: ‘One whole day.’ We said: ‘Go to the Messenger
    of Allah .’ She said: ‘What is a Messenger of Allah?!’
    “We took her with us to Allah’s Messenger in the hope that
    she would tell us the location of the water. The Prophet asked
    her about the water and she responded with what she had responded
    to us earlier, and further complained that she had orphans
    to look after. The Prophet  took hold of her water con-

    tainer, mentioned Allah’s name on it, and then wiped over it and
    began to pour the water from her container into our utensils. All
    forty of us drank from it until our thirst was quenched. We filled
    our utensils with water and left hers, which now carried more
    water than they did before.

    “The Prophet then said, ‘Bring what you have (i.e., of food).’
    We collected pieces of bread and dates for her. The Prophet
    said: ‘Take this to your family, and know that we have not decreased
    your water at all; it is only that Allah has quenched our
    “The woman then mounted her camel happily after receiving
    food and went home. When she returned, she said: ‘I met a magician,
    or perhaps a prophet as they claim...’
    “Her family were amazed at her story with the Prophet ,
    and it wasn’t long before they all accepted Islam.’” (al-Bukhari
    and Muslim)
    This woman was amazed by the Prophet’s treatment and
    generosity in her very first meeting with him.
    One day, a man came to the Prophet asking him for material
    aid. The Prophet gave him a portion of his cattle. The man
    returned to his people and said, “Accept Islam, for Muhammad
    gives like a man who doesn’t fear poverty!”
    Anas  said, “The man would come to the Prophet  solely
    for worldly reasons, but afterwards his religion became more
    precious to him than the whole world and all that exists therein.”

    A suggestion...

    The first meeting imprints 70% of the impression that one
    has of a person on his mind. Thus, one should treat a person as if
    it is the first and last time he will ever meet him.



    ظروف بعض البشر مدفونةٌ في أعماقهم فإن لم تَعرفها ،

    فأكرمهم بـ حُسن الظن بهم

    اسأل الله العظيم رب العرش العظيم أن يشفي أبي ويعافيه
    اللهم اشفه هو وجميع مرضى المسلمين

  2. #2
    إن الحياةَ عقيدةٌ و جهادُ الصورة الرمزية لآلىء على الدرب
    تاريخ التسجيل
    Jan 2010
    شكراً و أعجبني للمشاركة

    افتراضي رد: Be kind at the first meeting |sheikh Mohamed Al-Arefe

    جزاك الله خير
    ركعتان خيرٌ لك من الدنيا و ما فيهآ 🌷

  3. #3
    الصورة الرمزية um-AbdulRahman
    تاريخ التسجيل
    Dec 2011
    شكراً و أعجبني للمشاركة

    افتراضي رد: Be kind at the first meeting |sheikh Mohamed Al-Arefe

    Great article ..Jezakum Allah Khairan

    Actually The first impression is very important !
    That first impact can effect how individual’s perspective you from that time ahead and it may lasts forever.
    Even though if the meeting was only for 5 mintues !!!

  4. #4
    لنْ ننسأكَ سوَريآ الصورة الرمزية ᴎ͡σuᴙαн
    تاريخ التسجيل
    May 2010
    شكراً و أعجبني للمشاركة

    افتراضي رد: Be kind at the first meeting |sheikh Mohamed Al-Arefe

    ثانكيس جزاك اللـَّــ̯͡ﮭ خير

    ,, يارب .. يارب .. يارب ,,


  5. #5

    تاريخ التسجيل
    Dec 2012
    شكراً و أعجبني للمشاركة

    افتراضي رد: Be kind at the first meeting |sheikh Mohamed Al-Arefe

    nice article , thank you

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